Perspective

It is funny how perspective changes depending on where you are in your life.  If you had told me two years ago that I would be in a committed relationship I would have probably just scowled at you.  Mainly because I was still a bit jaded on the whole relationship thing.  

I know, that some of you have only seen me as I am right now. You see me as a person that is happy to see you, and generally in a good mood most of the time.  However, this is a complete 180 from where I was not too long ago.

I won't go into the details, because the people that knew me back then know what I went through to get that way.  The simple story is that I was married, she was a terrible wife (not to say I was a great husband or anything.  I am not afraid to admit that), who was emotionally distant.  Some have even said, though I loathe to use the word because of the connotations, that she was emotionally abusive.  Honestly, I think most of it came from her upbringing and the fact that she carried a mindset that was both stubborn, and in many ways ignorant.

The main issue was, though, that she jaded me to women.  She also made it hard to be a happy person after all was said and done.  Combine the fact that she cheated on, and then left me, about a month before my mom died of cancer... I was not in a good place.

Of course because of this, and because I wanted a change of jobs, I went in and out of jobs for a while.  It is not something I am proud of now, but for the longest time I was basically a boil on the ass of society.

I am not sure to this day what made me suddenly get better.  Perhaps it was working toward the goal of a degree, or perhaps it was because I was working in jobs that I liked, but I started to become a more likable person again. People even commented that I seemed happier.

Funny thing, though, I still did not think that I was ready when I decided to sign on to Match.  The original plan was to go on a few dates, get used to the idea of dating again, and then find someone to settle down with.

And wouldn't you know it, the world decided that what I had planned had nothing to do with it.  I met a great girl and we hit it off.  We were great for each other.  The funny thing is that when the first date ended, neither of us wanted it to.  We were so hooked we met up for lunch the next day. This lead to an interesting phone call when my friends called to see how the date went and I had to tell them I would call back later, since we were at lunch.  

So there I was.  New perspective even though I had just had one that was contrary to this one.  It took me reflecting on it to even realize how quickly that perspective changed. 

And to be honest.

I would have it no other way.

Bachelorhood

So the weekend was a hectic one.  The reason that I have not updated the past two days was because I was busy with actually moving the rest of my stuff to my new house.  Luckily everything is here and it went better than I thought.

So, yeah, I am finally here and no longer a "Bachelor" as it were.  I suppose that this was a long time coming, though, and I am not too sad about it.  Honestly it had been one of those things that I looked inward and knew that I wanted to be out of.

Honestly, when I stop to think about it, being a bachelor sort of sucks.  Your place is always dirty because you don't care about keeping it clean, you don't really tend to have much food in the fridge, and where did all of your money go?  Oh, it went to buying food that you would eat that day.  Most of the time from a restaurant or fast food.

So yeah, Bachelorhood?  Not going to miss it very much.  Bring on having to put my socks in a hamper, and take the trash out when it is almost full, not when it is overflowing.

I think that I can handle it.

Plus, it is awesome to have someone to cuddle with every night.

Yeah, I said it.

Motivation

I was thinking a bit today about motivation.  I always liked one of the original demotivation pictures that was out there on the internet.  It was a simple message.  It said "Motivation: If a silly picture and inspiring phrase is all it takes to motivate you, your job will one day be done by robots."

Why did that one stick with me so much?  Simple, because it underlays the fact that everyone has their own reason for motivation.  For some it is because they want to get money, or simply not fail.  Some do it out of love for their fellow man.

Personally, I do it because I want to be able to run a household someday.  Does that mean children?  Maybe, but a house is more than just a family.  The fact is, though, I want to be able to support myself and my significant other without her having to work.  If she chooses to do so that would be great, because that money would just mean that we have extra money for vacations, or fun stuff around the house.  The point is, though, I want to make enough so that she does not have to.

So what does that mean?  That means I need to be in a position where the growth of my job is sufficient that I will be able to do so without issues.

Luckily, I think I am in that position right now, even if it will take a few years to build up the position.  So my motivation involves making sure that I can do everything to make the company that I work for grow, so that my position continues to grow, so that I can be in that situation.

Right now, though, I have a different motivation, which is why this one is going to be short.

That motivation?

I am tired.

And bed looks good.

Speed

When was the last time that you stopped to just admire something?  I imagine if you are anything like me it has been a while.  Sure, you watch a TV show or movie and you take that time to enjoy it, but look at what that is all about.  They cram an entire set of information into twenty minutes, or forty five, or an hour and a half.  Have you ever stopped to notice how fast they are winging information at you in order to catch you up to what is going on?  Even if they do it subtly they need to teach you that Man X is an overworked business owner that can't seem to catch a break.  Man Y is his wacky buddy that is always there for him, etc etc.  

And they get away with it because we just sit back and let them throw stuff at us quickly.  However, we are not taking a moment to step back from life during this time, are we?

Now I am not saying I am not guilty of this, see above with me admitting it has been a long while.  The point is, though, when did we let ourselves do this?  It has gotten to the point that this has been a new genre of movie. Holywood is cashing in on the fact that we are not satisfied with letting life pass us by.  But what do we do about it?

For the most part, nothing.  At least until our minds are close to popping. 

I have honestly gotten to the point most nights that I can't even sleep without pausing to collect my thoughts and lay them out in a row.  I have to purposefully slow my world down and then I can sleep.

But why did we get this way?  Well, I can't say for you, but I think I know why I do it.

Because I want to get past the boring stuff and get to the fun stuff.

Think about it.  How often do you rush something at work just to get it done the bare minimum so that you can take a break and not have to do any work for a while.  Especially if your boss thinks that it will take you longer to accomplish that goal.

My problem is that I tend to rush through the work and then move on to the next bit of work.  This can sometimes lead to some mistakes, or lead to things that need to be fixed later. I have finally gotten to the point where I can admit that about myself. Of course this does not help when I don't change what I am doing to slow down and do it right.

To me, speed is a means to an end, but when I have the time, I need to learn to slow down and take it.  Some of you know that I am an accountant.  This is not a job that can have mistakes in it, and I try my best to make sure that I have none.  However, when speeding through something I can make mistakes.

You want to know the sick part though?  I like accounting.  It is fun to me.  Data entry is not a chore to me, it is somehow fun.  I am sick, I know.

So why do I speed through it?  Simple, I want to look like a miracle worker.  Boss thinks something will take all day, I do it in half to just seem that much better.

The lesson I have learned, and keep learning, is that maybe I should slow down, make sure that things are done right.  Then I can take two thirds of the day, still seem like an awesome accountant... and have everything be perfect.

A lesson that we should teach our children.

And I took 29 years to learn it.

Why are we our own worst critics?

Before you read the rest of this post I want you to do something.  I want you to go stand up and go to the nearest mirror.  The more you can see of yourself the better.  I want you to look at yourself.  I mean really look at yourself.  Then come back here.

Welcome back.  Now if you are a normal person you probably walked in and looked at yourself, then started noticing things that were wrong.  I know that is what I do, and I have started to figure out why.  It is because I am the biggest critic of myself.

You see, I made a comment yesterday about not being much of a writer.  The immediate thing that I was told by my girlfriend when she wrote it was that I am a great writer.  I brushed it off as I normally do because I "know the truth" about my writing.

Some of the people that read this blog have read some of my writing.  Some of the people that have read this blog have read a lot of my writing, and in fact participated in it.  Two of them have even seen me grow as a writer and helped me stretch that writing muscle.  The biggest thing about all of them is that I have heard each one of them say "I like your writing" or "That was a great _____".

And I brushed each and every one of them off.  I would look at what I just wrote, and I would think "Well no, that is not good. I messed up here, here, here and here.  I am a terrible writer, and one day people will start to notice."  I think that is one of the biggest issues that I have.  I think that one day someone is going to call me out on some terrible piece of writing and that I will no longer have the drive to write.

Which is silly.  I mean, honestly, every issue I have I know could be fixed through simple editing and the use of a thesaurus. Yet here I am, still not sure if I really want people to read my blog, because I just imagine that three people will read it out of some sort of duty, and the rest will eventually disappear.

Granted, I don't expect this blog to blow up, and I will never consider myself to be a "blogger", but I suppose everyone wants some sort of recognition in their life. I suppose the biggest problem will always be the need to silence that inner critic and allow for the compliments to stick.

So, now that I have said all of this, what did I learn today?  Simple.  Sometimes you need to stop worrying about life.  You need to stop being a critic about yourself.

Now that I have said that, I want you to do one more thing.

I want you to go to the mirror again and look at yourself, and tell that inner critic to shut up.  Realize that your flaws, no matter what they are, are what make you a normal person.

You are you.

And that is all the world, and yourself, can ask of you.

Lessons from the mind of a man who likes to learn

So thanks to a friend of mine deciding to start a blog (toaderyabounds.blogspot.com) I have decided to start a blog that has been rolling around in my mind as of late.  I am not much of a writer normally, but I do tend to have a lot on my mind, and more importantly I try to learn something every day.

The name of the blog comes from old episodes of South Park, wherein the kids would always say "You see, I learned something today".  I don't plan on teaching any large lessons when I write my blog, but I hope that someone learns something from what I write.  If not, at the very least I get to try and think of a lesson that I learned during the day.

I am going to try and keep this up every day, but I know myself and I probably won't remember to do it.  However, I will still try to make sure I keep it up.  Most likely the people that I know will read this will bug me if I don't so there is that.

Now then, for the purpose of the blog itself.  Something that I learned today.

Today I learned that sometimes I am more adaptable than I might think.  For those of you reading this that don't know, Sunday 10/23 I had a couple of major changes in my life.  The first one is that I moved in with my girlfriend.  We have been together for over 7 months (quickly approaching 8) and things have been going so well that we decided to take that next step.  What does this mean for the future?  Who can say?  I have known plenty of people that have lived together and gotten married, and plenty that have not.  We all know that past performance is not indicative of future events.  However, I am sure that this will end up becoming a lot of the basis for future blog posts. (Don't worry, Hon, I won't use your name, or give any details.)

The second thing is that my best friend of about eleven years moved away.  This was something that has been coming for a long time, and I knew it was coming.  However, it still feels strange to think that I will not be going over to his place to hang out any time this week.  I am slightly sad over the event, but life moves on.  Plus, he moved to the Seattle area, which is an area that I wish to move one day anyway, so I doubt that it will be a long time that I don't get to see him.  Not to mention I am going to try and make plans to go up there for the Thanksgiving weekend.

But the point of both of those are that I am strangely calm about it.  I know that most people have lots of anxiety when there are major changes in their life, and I did have issues getting to sleep last night, but today I have pretty well already moved past it and am ready to face what comes.

I suppose this comes from the fact that I grew up with a dad in the Army.  While we did not move that often (I spent most 1st-5th grade in the same school) so I did not have it as bad as some of us, I did have to learn to let go of things quickly, because there is no point to dwelling.

Luckily, I know that I am not broken inside, because there are times that I still miss my mom, who died a while ago.  I suppose it is just the fact that I can let the things go that might be a bit harder for others to let go. I know that many people can't give up friends or places where they live without feeling bad for a week.

I am the Borg.

I adapt.